Turns out there is nothing like having a child for motivating me to sort myself out.
I’m practically 37 and vaguely remember a time in my mid twenties when I was convinced I’d have everything worked out by 30. Ha!
Admittedly back then I was thinking about the big stuff like career, house and relationship. Now I find myself conscious of the small habits and attitudes I dislike about myself and have been working on and failing to break for years.
Passive aggressive snark can be fun, but is usually counter productive, but before baby (BB) it wasn’t hurting anyone but me.
Now I have someone watching me all the time, and I’m his template for healthy social interactions.
I’d run screaming from the room except that I’d be failing to demonstrate proper emotional regulation to him.
Things that I’d normally be annoyed about but not act on (being interrupted, for example) have suddenly started to make me stand up for myself. I’m decisively laying down the law on weaning, setting ultimatums about Christmas and vehemently disagreeing with anyone who dares to tell me ‘if you let him nap now he won’t sleep later.’
I’m accidentally modelling my parental style on a cross between Molly Weasley and Sarah Connor, if you can imagine that?
But then I’m not really standing up for myself but what I think my son needs, and that makes it easier to speak out. Not always in the calm and authoritative I’d like, but still…
And honestly I have no idea what I’m doing. Still, if anyone is going to mess up my son (either emotionally or mentally) it’s going to be me, his mother. I’m the one that will end up dealing with the crying at bedtime after all.